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Big community funding update! Should I continue seeing a guy who just wants to have fun for now? October 19, 5: He's in medical school so he has a busy schedule.
We've seen each other 3x and we kissed on the last date. During the last date, I asked him what he's looking for and he said he wants someone to go out with and enjoy his time with outside of school. However, he doesn't know if he wants a relationship or not ie.
He then asked me in returns and I told him that I only date with the intention of it leading to a serious relationship. However, I want to take the time to get to know someone well at the beginning before making any commitment and that I'm in no rush. He replied that he respects my wishes and will see how things progress. Up until this point, his actions have correlated with his words. He doesn't text me often between dates and doesn't put forth much effort to plan dates or to get to know me better.
Also, on our last date, he ran into a friend and did not introduce me at all. Anyway, I'm okay with the slow pace we're going since we're both busy. I just don't know if I should continue seeing him knowing that his noncommittal mindset might or might not change the more time we spend together.
Any advice would be much appreciated as I'm not very experienced in dating. Ugh, I've been in this spot. It sucks but it's worse the longer you hang in there hoping things might change. I say end things now in order to save yourself the heartache later on. He's shown you through actions and now his words that he's not looking for something serious at least not with you. You are awesome and deserve someone who feels the same. You're a busy lady. Don't waste your precious free time on someone who has expressly told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship!
There are plenty of men on dating apps who are looking for serious relationships, too. He told you exactly his intentions, and you've told him yours. You aren't heading in the same direction. His response is along the lines of, I want to and enjoy casually dating you up to and until you make a decision to want to make things serious, and then I've already given you the disclaimer way up ahead that I don't. Yours seemed to have been, It takes me a while to decide , but you held back the part where you actually would like to make that decision in a dating relationship that have definite potential to become long term.
Keep dating him if you can enjoy hanging with him on irregular dates. If he changes his mind eventually and you both like each other, bonus! But don't keep seeing him on the slim hope that he would. Eh, he didn't introduce you, even as a friend? Rude, in any situation. When someone shows you who they are and all Yeah, so, if I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be to immediately stop seeing anyone who says they are ambivalent about a relationship if what I want is a serious relationship.
Like, that is just-an end-of-the road, proceed-no-further moment. Nothing good comes of ignoring what someone says and making up a best-case scenario for yourself. You may want to read this link: I agree with nanook, you need to move on.
Peace posted by dragonbaby07 at 5: You say you're looking for something that could develop into something more serious. He's already told you that's not what he's looking for. Your objectives don't match. Don't waste your time waiting for someone to be ready for what you know you want. It's a losing proposition and wastes your time. As a medical student, I'll say that my response and behavior would be the same as this guy's, even though in the long term I do eventually want to be in a serious relationship.
I'm very busy and have very little free time, so there's just no way that I would be able to say after seeing someone three times that I want to sacrifice my very precious free time to be in a relationship. It's not because I use the people I'm dating or I'm a toxic commitment-phobe, but being in a relationship requires a level of investment of time and emotion that I am much more hesitant to give since starting medical school.
My suggestion would be to continue seeing him, but to maintain your level of investment at parity with his. What that means to me is not always being the one to plan dates, not planning elaborate dates, not bending over backwards to accommodate him just because you can, and continuing to date other people.
If after dating for a longer period he's still ambivalent -- or maybe you've met someone else, yay! But I wouldn't judge him immediately for being a busy but honest person.
In my experience, "I don't know if I want a relationship or not" means, "I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm not going to it a priority or make time for it; but if the love of my life comes along I'm ready for it.
The other signs point to this as well. I realize that at 23 years old, your dating experience could be limited. From your question history, it seems that you've been asking several similarly-themed questions in a very short period of time about different men each time. You're young, and serial dating at this age is supposed to be fun, not so stressful that you need to continue to solicit advice on your decisions based on attempting to read someone else's mind.
Perhaps you would benefit from slightly altering your mindset while you dabble in online dating - instead of putting so much pressure on yourself and others on entering into a serious relationship, start trusting your instincts, start having fun with this part of your life, and focus on school and your own goals. Serious relationships generally don't come from overthinking and forcing things. That said, it took me years to learn this simple lesson: A man who wants something serious with you will show you exactly that.
You won't have to wonder why he doesn't text you, or call you, or if he is going to ask you out more than once a week. Oftentimes men will even say what they think you want to hear because telling the truth might be too uncomfortable. Keep an open mind, have fun, and don't go looking too hard for something you think you want. These things happen organically, and attempting to engineer a relationship could end disastrously.
I wish you nothing but luck in finding what you want! At 23, you have the luxury of learning lessons quickly, maturing, and moving on.
You say you are dating-inexperienced Your car might become the Batmobile. Go ahead and be a chemistry major, it might turn into an art degree eventually! This is a horrible way to go through life. Do not lap that up like table scraps. It is fine to be looking for a relationship, even if it's not hip to be that way.
It is fine to not want to just hook up and fuck around, and to prefer a little more of an agreement in your relationships. But that means there are people looking for something different than that and you should not date those people because you need to have that in common. I know this behavior often comes from a place of low self-esteem, and the fear that if you don't beg for these scraps you'll starve, but try flipping it around and thinking about it like this: Not everybody's gonna even if you wait around for your time to come.
He doesn't owe you a chance, and nothing you do will obligate him to. You don't get to have them all, so when one isn't feeling it, just let him have that and move on. So let this one go. You take care of yourself. Because seven years is an entire personality change, and you can skip the waiting around in between. This is not a reason to hang on to some guy who barely likes you.
I was the other side of this recently. I don't have a lot of free time and was very up front about what I was looking for with someone I was dating. I checked in a few times over the course of dating- are you sure you're cool with this not being that serious?
They said yes, we talked about it, I reiterated a few more times that I couldn't do a serious relationship at the moment. And of course, as soon as I got really busy and had to tend to other priorities in my life, it was a huge problem.
I'm not sure what else I could have done to make my intentions more clear. So please take this guy at his word. Yes, I've also been in this position and believe me - it won't change.
I didn't believe it when people told me, thought my situation was special, etc. Which made it that much worse when it ended after a few months exactly as everyone had said it would. You're really have the good fortune here of a bunch of people who have gone before you giving you the benefit of their hindsight - please take it. You may have to learn this the hard way on your own I did , but I hope you don't have to.
There are lots of people out there who are looking for the same thing as you - go hang out with them instead. A while ago I was just starting graduate school and told the woman I was dating that I'd didn't have time for a relationship. In the dedication section of my dissertation I say that and also say "Thank goodness she didn't listen to me. Obviously this is just one story, and your mileage will vary./p>
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