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Here's What Happens When Straight Guys Use Tinder to Pick Up Other Guys

The results highlight the flexibility of heterosexuality; the centrality of heterosexuality to normative rural masculinity; how similar sexual practices carry different meanings across contexts and populations; and the social construction of masculinities and sexualities by age, race, gender, time period, and place. There are multiple reasons why some men who have sex with men MSM identify as straight, including internalized heterosexism, participation in other-sex marriage and childrearing, and enjoyment of straight privilege and culture Ward Few interview-based studies of straight MSM exist, and previous studies focus on urban, military, or prison contexts.

Others use content analyses of Craigslist ads or other materials to theorize about this population Robinson and Vidal-Ortiz ; Reynolds ; Ward Given that online ad representations may inaccurately reflect the narratives of straight MSM—and will at best capture only snippets of their lives—researchers need to conduct interviews for fuller insight. Additionally, there is a widespread urban focus in sexualities and gender literatures Halberstam , which obscures the role of geography in the construction, maintenance, perception, and experience of gender and sexuality.

As Connell and Messerschmidt explain, researchers should examine masculinities that differ by place; few have done so with rurality exceptions include Morris By using interviews, this study is one of the first to examine how straight MSM themselves understand their own genders and sexualities, and how rurality affects these perceptions.

How do rural, white, straight MSM understand their gender? Through complex interpretive processes, participants reworked non-normative sexual practices usually antithetical to rural masculinities to actually construct normative masculinity. Participants selected male sexual partners on the basis of masculinity, race, and sexual identity. Most chose other masculine, white, and straight or secretly bisexual men for secretive sex without romantic involvement.

The married men framed sex with men as less threatening to their marriages than extramarital sex with women, helping to preserve a part of their lives that most described as central to their straightness. Rather than referring to participants as MSM, a public health term, I describe them as guys who engage in bud-sex. While the participants in this study share overlap with those groups, they also frame their same-sex sex in subtly different ways: Instead, as Silva forthcoming explores, the participants reinforced their straightness through unconventional interpretations of same-sex sex: The specific type of sex the participants had with other men—bud-sex—cemented their rural masculinity and heterosexuality, and distinguishes them from other MSM.

The results demonstrate the flexibility of male heterosexuality and the centrality of heterosexuality to normative rural masculinity. First, the participants interpret same-sex sex as compatible with heterosexuality.

These findings complement previous research, which reveals the extent to which heterosexual masculine homosociality structures and gives meaning to other-sex sexual encounters Flood Second, heterosexual identification is key to constructing normative rural masculinity. Given that normative masculinity is critical for social acceptance in rural areas, identification with heterosexuality to bolster normative masculinity was especially important.

The findings reinforce the centrality of place for how individuals identify and express their sexuality and gender. How individuals understand and experience sexuality is profoundly social: Cultural norms about what sexual practices are acceptable, their significance, their relation to identity, and even what practices are considered sexual are all socially constructed Foucault Identification based on sexual behavior emerged only in the late nineteenth century Chauncey ; Foucault As Sedgwick explains, defining individuals in this way is only one of many ways sexual identities could potentially operate.

Sexual identities are socially constructed and differ by culture and time period Katz , and often these identities cannot fully describe complex combinations of sexual practices, attractions, and desires.

Relatedly, the relationship between sexual identity and gender practices differs between cultures and time periods. Current ways of identifying individuals reflect new ways of defining acceptable gender practices in response to changing gender dynamics in workplaces and education in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries Chauncey , as well as late nineteenth-century medical discourse Foucault Gender performance and sexual practice, rather than biological sex or attractions, were key for understanding sexuality in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.

Understandings of sexual identities and practices also differ between and within cultures. Within the United States, individuals with similar sexual attractions may adopt different sexual identities because of a differing emphasis placed on sexual attractions and current sexual behaviors Rust or the presence—or lack thereof—of emotional attractions Adam In addition, stereotypical views of sexual identities e. Sexual identities reflect culture, time period, social structures, and personal interpretations.

Despite increasing acceptance of same-sex sexuality, hegemonic masculinity remains distinctly heterosexual Connell Homophobia is often a key aspect of normative masculinity Kimmel , and from a young age: Similarly, many measures of normative masculinity—such as support for all-male institutions—are related to homophobia Britton The relationship between heterosexuality and normative masculinity remains, even as overt homophobia has lessened in many contexts Anderson ; Bridges ; Connell ; Dean ; McCormack Heteronormativity is entrenched within U.

It also reflects that masculinity is an ongoing interpersonal process through which actions inconsistent with hegemonic masculinity are policed by others, and often suppressed in homosocial spaces Bird Because rural spaces in different regions e.

Research about the intersections between rural masculinities and sexualities points to the importance of normative rural masculinity for social tolerance, normality, and safety, though historically this may have varied Johnson Although seemingly more sensitive expressions of masculinity are available to some privileged men in or near urban areas, this is not something most rural men do.

Most rural men do not have socially viable alternatives to conventional expressions of masculinity, and the masculinity they construct reflects the rigid expectations of many rural men today Courtenay Thus, due to differing social contexts, masculinities in rural areas are distinct from those in urban locations. Rural masculinities differ based on local context as well as intersections of social identities, and central to many of them are physical labor and toughness Morris ; Kazyak The strong link between heterosexuality and masculinity is especially evident in rural areas, which are often more conservative than urban locales Bump Rural men are likelier than urban men to engage in unsafe behaviors, and intersections with non-normative sexualities can exacerbate these dangers Courtenay For rural men with marginalized sexualities, normative rural masculinity is particularly important because it provides them a degree of social acceptance Boulden ; Fellows Many rural gay men even distance themselves from feminine gay men and point out their similarities with purportedly masculine straight men Annes and Redlin Relatedly, in her interview study of rural Midwestern gays and lesbians, Kazyak found that gay men had little flexibility in gender practices; they either performed conventional rural masculinities or were rejected by their community.

Research on rural queer youth Gray and rural trans men Abelson indicates that challenging gender norms often leads to fear of physical harm, encouraging gender normativity.

This study expands on Ward and Carrillo and Hoffman I posted advertisements in several men-for-men casual encounters sections of Craigslist, which is organized regionally. I also included project information on Grindr, an app catering to gay and bisexual men, which recruited two participants. Of the approximately men that inquired about participation, 19 agreed to participate: During each interview, I used an interview guide. Inquiries included the following: Describe yourself in terms of masculinity and femininity.

Describe the kind of guy you prefer to meet up with. Walk me through the last time you met up with another guy for action. I reordered and rephrased questions to make the interview less formal, which allowed me to follow-up on leads. Interviews lasted approximately one-and-a-half hours. I uploaded all transcripts to the qualitative data analysis software NVivo to apply codes and repeated this as I coded additional transcripts and created new codes. I created all codes during analysis rather than at the beginning of the study; as the sole researcher, I created and applied all codes.

All the participants live in Missouri, Illinois, Oregon, Washington, or Idaho; these rural spaces share similarities by virtue of their social conservatism and predominant white populations Bump ; United States Census Bureau All but two participants currently live in, or were raised in, a rural area. Thirteen currently live in a rural area, and 15 were raised in rural areas. By rural, I refer to an area with fewer than 25, residents.

The only two exceptions were participants who were raised in urban areas but currently live in what I term semirural areas: They are skewed toward older ages with the majority over The participants have a variety of educational and occupational backgrounds, but most are middle class. As shown in Table 1 , the sample has considerable diversity in sexual attraction. Further, although all tell others they identify as straight, 17 actually identify as straight or some variation thereof, one as gay, and one as bisexual.

Through these descriptions, all framed themselves as normal, masculine men. Given the association of femininity with same-sex sexuality, subcultures of gay men may embrace or reject femininity Hennen The men in this study, however, uniformly described themselves as masculine, thus distancing themselves from the purported relationship between same-sex sexuality and femininity.

I like to shoot, I like to hunt. I can catch some fish. Pat 69 similarly blurred the lines between masculinity and heterosexuality, and used rural tropes to describe himself:. Fantasize about women, oh yes. I wear jeans and boots and camouflage hats and sleeveless T-shirts, drive a truck, and like to shoot stuff. I go hunting every now and then. Eleven described themselves using elements of rurality, such as hobbies hunting, fishing, shooting, cutting firewood , occupations farming, ranching , ways of dressing camo, T-shirts, and Levi jeans , or images of rugged rurality John Wayne.

Another used rural tropes rugged cowboys as a comparison to his own masculinity. It provides them with their fundamental sense of self; it structures how they understand the world around them; and it influences how they codify sameness and difference. The participants overwhelmingly preferred to have sex with men like themselves: This is a key element of bud-sex.

Partnering with other men similarly privileged on several intersecting axes—gender, race, and sexual identity—allowed the participants to normalize and authenticate their sexual experiences as normatively masculine, as Ward also describes. Desires for types of sexual partners reflect culture rather than biological drives Ward The socially constructed and problematic relationship between normativity and male masculinity, whiteness, and straightness shapes sexual desires such that individuals with these characteristics are often perceived as desirable sexual partners.

By having sex with these types of men , the participants were able to construct and reinforce normative masculinity— despite having sex with men.

Alignment with normative masculinity is especially important for men in rural areas, where it is a virtual prerequisite for social acceptance Abelson ; Annes and Redlin ; Boulden ; Fellows ; Kazyak Seventeen participants—all of those who identify as straight—stated that they prefer masculine male sexual partners, and each explained that the majority of their male sexual partners are masculine. Masculinity in sexual partners helped construct and validate their own normative masculinity.

The straight participants often equated masculinity with non-gayness heterosexuality or secretive bisexuality or normality. If I wanted someone that acts girlish, I got a wife at home. The four participants who reported exclusive sexual attractions to women also stated a preference for normatively masculine male sexual partners, revealing the social origins of their attractions. I know that there are a lot of guys out there that are like me.

It [also] seems that. Similarly, the vast majority of the past and present male sexual partners of 16 participants—all except Reuben, Tom 59 , and Mark—are white. A few messages later, he proposed a dick pic exchange. As fun as it was to flirt with Benjamin, I wasn't seriously considering hooking up with him.

I had already learned by then to avoid getting with closeted guys. I'd been there, done that and them and always ended up resenting them for enjoying the pleasures of gay sex while not owning up to the rest of the gay package. Just come the fuck out already, I'd always think. What if Benjamin and the other "closeted" guys I'd been with weren't closeted at all?

What if not all men who hook up with other men are gay or bisexual? These are complicated questions. He knows there are gay and bisexual identities, but he has no interest in either of those. He feels totally at home in straight culture. That is the story of his life. Who are we to say his entire life is a lie because he has the capacity to have sex with a man once? This argument is the crux of Ward's book, which is arriving at a time when sexual fluidity is enjoying something of a cultural moment, with female celebrities like Ruby Rose and Miley Cyrus coming out in favor of loosening or straight-up ditching sexual identity labels.

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