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Is it really hard to find a friend


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Is it really hard to find a friend

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Luckily, true friends are pretty easy to spot, and knowing the signs of a true friend will help you figure out who to get closer with and who to stay away from. To decide if your friend is a true friend, consider whether you can speak openly around them and if they care enough about you to pay attention to what you say. True friends put effort into the relationship, so think about whether they make time to see you and provide the same amount of affection that you give them.

For tips from our reviewer on how to figure out if your friend is gossiping about you, read on! Best Friends Teens and Kids. Quick Summary To decide if your friend is a true friend, consider whether you can speak openly around them and if they care enough about you to pay attention to what you say. Did this summary help you? Think about whether they offer support and encouragement.

Real friends make you feel needed, confident, and happy. Everyone needs a little positive energy here and there, and true friends have it in spades. Even when they disagree with you "that hat looks like it came from a dead opossum" they still support you the best they can "but, at least, you're rocking it! See if your friend is your cheerleader. Though your friend doesn't have to always cheer you on, if your friend is a good friend, then they should be your fan and should always root for you to succeed.

If your friend always dismisses or one-ups your successes "You got an 85 on the test? See if they truly listen to you. Sometimes all you need is for someone to shut up and listen. True friends know how to close their mouths and open their ears, as long as you can do the same from time to time. They make eye contact when talking, remember what you've told them, and ask thoughtful questions.

Notice who does most of the talking. In an ideal friendship, both friends should roughly share the same amount. If your friend is looking around the room and checking their phone every time you talk, or has no recollection of that time you said you were applying to law school, they're probably fake friends not worth your time.

Consider whether you communicate openly with each other. With true friends, you happily share embarrassing stories and secrets, and they share them back. They'll pick up on your moods without cues. When things get rough, true friends don't beat around the bush, they have mature, honest conversations that get to the point. If you and your friend are comfortable saying something like, "Hey, I was really hurt that you didn't come to my party the other night," to each other, then you've found a friend worth keeping.

If you feel the need to hide things from your friend, can't trust them with secrets or big news, or feel like they don't open up to you about their lives, you're facing yet another not-so-true friend. Decide if your friend is honest. Honesty is one of the cornerstones of a true friendship. Find out if they gossip about you. Everyone loves some juicy gossip from time to time. But, if you feel like your friend is always gossiping about someone or talking trash, chances are your "friend" will do the same as soon as your back is turned.

Here are some ways to know if your friend's gossiping is out of control: If your friend routinely talks about people they claim to be their closest friends, then they're likely doing the same about you to their other "true" friends. Think about whether they make time for you. Life can be nuts, and it's hard enough to find time to sleep, work, and eat, let alone socialize. If they can't find the time to hang out or talk on the phone, then why are they even your friend?

Make sure you do the same and make time for them, of course. If your friend never makes time for you, always complains about how life has been "crazy busy," and expects you to work around their schedule, then you have a problem.

Especially if they spend their time with significant others or different friends. Everyone is busy; not everyone flakes out.

Decide if you both put the same amount of effort into the friendship. It's a give and take, so don't do all the giving if your friend is a taker. Usually, you can feel this happening -- movie night is always at your house, you always call first, they keep borrowing your Simpsons DVDs without asking, etc. And if you feel it happening, cut them off! True friends give back to you without having to think about it. Not everyone is a hugger, but everyone has a way of demonstrating that they care for you.

Keeping things equal doesn't mean you spend the same amount of cash on people -- relationships aren't bought and sold. It's just about feeling respected and cared for by a friend, however they show it. Don't let your friend always come to you for favors and support, but get busy the minute you need a hand. You should both be reaching out from time to time, not only to ask for help but to offer it.

Consider if they are true to their word. A flake is not a friend. If your friend never seems to do what they say they'll do, leaves you stranded, or forgets about plans you've made, then you have a flake on your hands, and you don't have a true friend. We've all bailed on a plan or made a last-second switch, but if your friend never seems to do what they say they'll do, then they don't value your time or company. With a good friend: Get some Head and Shoulders and wipe them off your calendar.

Determine if they have other motives for becoming your pal. This soul-searching is particularly hard to do, but it's important. Take the time to reflect on why your friend might want to hang out with you.

More likely than not, you're just good friends, and the rest of the "benefits" just happen naturally. There are some classic reasons why a fake friend might find you, but usually, you'll see a few of the other warnings signs if they aren't true friends. Still, be on the lookout for those hoping to latch on to your: If Mean Girls taught the world anything, it's that true friends stick around no matter how popular you are. Popularity is a fickle beast, but it doesn't bother your true friends.

Make no mistake-- having rich friends is fun. You get to do all the things you could never afford! But if your friends only love you for your wealth, they'll be gone before the last penny drops. Are you giving them a ride to the office or a chance to look over your homework? Are they giving anything back? It is summer vacation, and your next door neighbor is suddenly chummy. School starts and you never see him again.

Recognize if they expect you to bolster their self-esteem. While friends should encourage and support each other, some friends may be too clingy or needy. If your friend looks to you to constantly stroke their ego and make them feel better about themselves, they may be using you. Decide if they make you feel good about yourself. Your friend doesn't have to agree with everything you've done, but your friendship should make you feel good about who you are as a person.

They make the time fly and the world feel conquerable. If you leave a hangout session with your friend feeling invigorated, excited, or just giggling from the silly time you shared, then you're both killing this whole friendship thing.

If your friend is putting you down to make themselves feel better, then you have a problem. If your friend makes you feel bad through snide comments about your looks, weight, grades, etc, then -- well, you get the picture. Even if your friend provides criticism or negative feedback, they should do it in a way that is respectful and builds you up.

Think about whether they make you feel valuable. If being involved with your "friend" makes you feel uncertain about your importance in your friend's life, then they shouldn't be important in your life. While a friend shouldn't coddle you with lies, a true friend always makes you feel needed, important, and indispensable. They ask your advice and listen to it, and don't leave your side as soon as the "cool" friend walks in the room. They dismiss your advice or thoughts and leave you out of group plans.

Figure out if being around them makes you happy. It seems so simple and obvious, doesn't it? That's what makes it so important to remember. Plain and simple, true friends are those you're happy to be around. If you're less happy hanging out with your friend than you are when you're alone, then you might as well go alone -- this person is a happiness suck. But if you feel like your friend is always going through a crisis and you can't enjoy yourself because you're too busy picking up the pieces, then you have a problem.

You're a friend, not a box of tissues. If you don't look forward to hanging out with your friend, keep them away from your other friends or family, or feel burdened to be with them, then they're not really true friends. This time, however, it is up to you to politely excuse yourself. Follow your instincts to find true friends. If something doesn't feel right, it isn't.

Don't follow horror-movie logic, ignoring your bad feelings to get burned later on.


Why is it so hard to find good friends as an adult? : AskReddit

She does not say it as openly or as clearly as that she's a teenager after all but I know what she means. It's in her eyes when something happens and she wants to call or text someone but hesitates as to who it should be. It's in her beautiful face when her smile isn't shining. It's in her actions when she is grumpy or moody or just lashes out at the first family member she comes into contact with.

The truth is, at times, it's there for me too. I may have a free hour and want to grab coffee with someone but am not sure whom I should ask. I may be having a rough day with my kids and want to vent about it but am unsure which person to call.

Is it that difficult to come across another woman who is similar to my personality or myself? Is it that impossible to find another woman who is reliable, willing to be honest with you and also fun to have around? While I know the combination was hard to uncover during my high school years, it seems to be equally apparent during my "mothering" years.

Maybe most do not realize how valuable an authentic friendship can be? Some of the women my age do not feel they have the time to commit to a real friendship. They have kids to drive around, recitals to attend or football games to cheer at.

Many prefer to spend everyday at the gym or go shopping as if it was a full-time job. The issue with those scenarios is that none of them resonate with me.

To that end, this is not an advertisement for a new friend; rather it is an enlightenment of sorts. It's a coming-to-terms moment for me. You may believe you are dissimilar to your own daughter, but in fact, that may not be the case. The secret to making new friends is as simple as being open to it. Here are six things you can do to fill your calendar and forge new friendships:.

The first impression sets the stage on whether a person will be communicating with you or not, says psychotherapist Richard E. If you see them grimacing and frowning, you more than likely will not communicate with that person because they do not appear approachable or even nice. An inviting smile or a courteous head nod could go a long way in allowing people to know that you are available and open to communicating, he says.

And being a good listener is a big part of being approachable, adds Yager. One of the best ways to make new friends is to meet people with whom you share a common interest, says John Boese, founder of GoFindFriends. Turn your hobby into a social activity by joining a meetup. Going to places that you enjoy allows you to be around like-minded individuals, adds Toney.

Figure out ways to help other people feel better for having spent time with you. But if you complain that your previous boss was an egotistical jerk, they may see a few of those qualities in you, too.

While you can feel vulnerable approaching someone for the first time, the other person may have even more reluctance, says Rollag.

Keyword: a GOOD friend with benefits The mentality of “I just have to find him with the first try” is what makes things difficult. This translates to “I don’t want to risk anything, but I want to get a good no-strings attached sex partner.” You ca. Part of a good friendship is honesty, and sooner or later one is forced to choose between being amenable and giving a friend the honesty you think the relationship merits. Aug 02,  · To decide if your friend is a true friend, consider whether you can speak openly around them and if they care enough about you to pay attention to what you say. Life can be nuts, and it's hard enough to find time to sleep, work, and eat, let alone socialize. If your friend is a really bad, abusive friend, then it's not worth trying to 86%().