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They have higher expectations than we can live up to as a bunch of internet posters. About the most concrete thing anyone here can tell you is that the answer lies within YOU. He was misleading me and manipulating me until finally one year later I did not answer him.
He would say he loved me than say that could change, he was looking for a local woman as well as say I was old and would not find anyone if I let him go. I wasted so much God given time and someone needed me in my life I have a daughter, The LDR made recent attempts to draw me back in the life of spinning wheels and wasting time, and I ignored him. This is what he stated in the one I got this morning.
That's not saying that I am romantiy involved or interested, I just want something good. I chose you but if you want me to stop it I can look somewhere -".
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If either of you are not over the emotional aspect of the split, it can be tough. How did you handle communication? How did you handle payments? Do you split everything beyond support? If you are in NYS the non-custodial parent pays support.
There are calculators for both. Are you familiar with those? Regarding the rest, depends if the assets can be liquified, if you have a retirement plan, that gets split from the date you said "I Do" to the date you said "I don't".
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Especially if you plan on trying to raise together. You should be prepared for the reality that he never live up to his potential, especially if he has someone to support him.
Sorry but it could happen, not that it necessarily. So, is that a deal breaker? A couple of my favorite lines in a Cake seem very appropriate here: The ornaments look but they're weighing down the branches of the tree.
I don't want to sit a across the table from you, wishing I could run. It was following her actually telling me the truth about her life. She had made some really dumb choices in the past, she was ashamed and that I'd find out and leave. She'd had an abusive stepfather and a mother who took no action after it was discovered. Screwed her up good. However as others have noted be the case here, she clung to it for protection. She used it as a defense of any fucked up action, after all, she had suffered so much.
There was no way I could understand, no way I could relate and therefore I was insensitive because my response was much that it was not the reason she continued to make poor choices. The fact is that people CAN relate, we all have things that have been "done" to us we had no control over. Things that hurt us and we didn't handle well, we've all fucked up our lives at one point or another. We've all hurt someone we and been hurt in return, its part of the human condition.
But there's a breaking point, that point in time where your life is now your own. You have to look around and take stock, realize you've placed yourself where you are. Its hard to give up that trump card, that ace in the hole that allows us to slip the weight of responsibility and escape the brunt of the consequences. Because when you toss that away the light turns upon ourselves, from that point forward we are the ones that stand in judgment of our own actions.
So before you discard this guy because he's so insensitive perhaps he's one who MORE sensitive? He's also brave knowing until you take that step you cannot get over your past. Once you do you'll be able to look him in the eye on things, become the partner you are capable of, a full partner not a dependent one.
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